Navigating Meltdowns and Sensory Overload
Parenting a child with autism comes with unique challenges, and one aspect that many parents grapple with is helping their child during moments of meltdown or sensory overload. Whether it’s at home just before bedtime, when you’re already running late to school, or in public at the grocery store - meltdowns are a reality for most autism parents. Understanding and responding to these situations requires patience, empathy, and proactive strategies.
Let’s break this up into 3 parts:
Before the Meltdown: Recognizing Triggers
The first step in managing meltdowns is identifying potential triggers. Think back to the last few (or maybe the most intense) meltdowns that your child has had. Really think about it. Where were you? What happened that day? Who was there?
The purpose of reflecting and learning to identify the triggers is so that we know what caused the meltdown. Why do we care about that? Well, because we want to know when they happen - this gives us the choice to either prevent the meltdown in the future or work through it. Consider two scenarios:
In one, I take my child to a 4th of July parade. There’s a ton of people there, it’s hot, and we’ve all been walking around all day. As the fire trucks go by, my child - already upset - begins to cover his ears and become upset. He has a full meltdown and we go home. At this time, I am 100% okay if we avoid crowded parades in the near future.
In another, it’s about to be bedtime and my child needs a bath. Bathtime is DIFFICULT and he HATES baths. He hates any water in his hair. He has a meltdown and we have a power struggle over getting him clean. Washing his hair is simply something we cannot avoid. We have to work through this, but how?
Pay close attention to environmental factors, sensory stimuli, or changes in routine that might contribute to your child's distress. Recognizing these triggers can help you take preventive measures to minimize the likelihood of meltdowns. Here are some guiding questions:
What are the events that usually cause a meltdown?
Are there certain times where a meltdown is more likely to happen?
Where do meltdowns usually happen?
Before the Meltdown: Set Them Up for Success
Once I know the types of events, people, times, that are likely to trigger my child, then I need to ensure that I set them up for success. What does this mean? This means that we establish a realistic goal that will keep them happy and below the threshold of a meltdown. Take the parade example…let’s say we try again in the future. Can we make sure that perhaps we take some headphones with us? Or, maybe we stay towards the back of the crowd? Maybe we even take some simple visuals with us that say “go home”. That way, my child can tap on the card to leave, rather than needing to communicate verbally.
Set them up to succeed! Set the bar at a reasonable level, then work your way up from there.
Have visuals, favorite toys, sensory fidgets, etc. to ensure that your child has what they need to make it through a tough scenario.
During the Meltdown: Establishing a Calming Routine
Meltdowns can be exhausting. You wish your child didn’t experience that level of stress. We hear you.
As we move into the “During the Meltdown” phase, just note that this will look different for every single child and these strategies are not a “magic trick” to make the meltdown go away. This is about consistency and teaching your child skills over time.
A calming routine is something that can help your child get back down to a comfortable state. Think about what makes your child happy and calm. Maybe it’s a quiet, dark room. Or rocking back and forth with some body squeezes. Write down your child’s calming routine! If you are unsure what your child’s calming routine looks like yet, try observing your child and what they like. Then, teach your child (with realistic expectations…) to go to that routine when they are feeling dysregulated.
It won’t happen overnight. It takes practice, patience, and lots of guidance depending on your child’s sensory and support needs. Consistently going to this routine can provide a sense of predictability, offering comfort during challenging times.
During the Meltdown: Effective Communication
How does your child best communicate? We encourage you not to think about how you would ideally like them to communicate, but think: what is the easiest way that my child currently communicates?
Use a communication strategy that aligns with your child's preferences. Some children may find it challenging to express their emotions verbally, especially when they’re in a dysregulated state. We have to be open to this fact and we can’t pressure them when they’re at the moment of having a meltdown - this is not the time to push them.
Instead, think about what communication works for them. Pointing? Signing? Writing? Help them get to that goal. Encourage alternative forms of communication, such as using visual aids, gestures, or a designated "feelings" chart. This helps your child convey their emotions and needs more effectively.
During the Meltdown: Stay Calm and Consistent
Okay, probably the most challenging one. It is SO important to stay calm and consistent in your boundaries during a meltdown. If you said no to a new toy at Target, it is critical that you follow through with that statement.
Further, it is crucial to remain calm and composed during your child's meltdown. Your emotional state can significantly impact the situation. Your words become their inner voice. Reassure your child that you are there for support, providing a consistent and comforting presence. Avoid expressing frustration or impatience, as this can escalate the situation and trigger new behaviors.
This is easier said than done, especially if the meltdown is in a public space or if YOU’RE dysregulated. But we believe in you - honestly, you’ve got this.
Just remember that your emotional state is important, too. If you find yourself yelling at your child, take some time to reflect on whether you might need a break, some space, time to collect your thoughts. This is NOT you being a bad parent, this is you ensuring that you can show up for your child and help them through this. The only reason to remain calm and consistent is so that your child learns that your words mean something. Meltdowns cannot result in you folding or taking back your decision. Why? Because children are capable and intelligent - whether or not they’re aware of it, they will know that it worked once and it will probably work again.
Remember → you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take steps to ensure you're caring for yourself so that you can show up for your child.
During the Meltdown: Offer Choices and Control
Offering choices can be a powerful tool to help your young child feel empowered. All children want a sense of control! However, we want to be careful that we are not using the choices to stop the meltdown. This is not an “off” button. This is about offering alternatives. If your child doesn’t want the choices, it is okay to move on. Do not continue offering choice after choice just to make the meltdown go away!
Offering a choice can look something like this:
“You’re upset because I said no to chips before dinner. It’s okay to be upset. You can have some blueberries or a yogurt if you’re hungry.”
Child continues meltdown
“I’m here if you want a hug. The choices are blueberries or yogurt.”
Remember that this isn’t a magic trick! It won’t make a meltdown *poof* disappear. It’s important to offer reasonable alternatives to your child. If they are still dysregulated, as in the example, remind them that you’re available for comfort and support, but your decision remains.
Providing options within a structured framework allows your child to feel more agency, reducing feelings of helplessness. It can also be a way to prevent a future meltdown! For example, let them choose between two preferred activities when they get home from school if you know that 3 pm is typically a time when your child becomes easily dysregulated.
After the Meltdown: Preventing Sensory Overload
Since we’re talking about preventing tantrums in the future…let’s move to the last step. Let’s put ourselves in the exact scenario of post-meltdown. You’re driving home in silence because your child had a meltdown at the park as you were leaving. You’re embarrassed and upset. You may even feel a bit of shame for getting flustered or yelling at your child in front of total strangers.
Take a breath.
If you’re reading this, you are already making the choice to help your child. If you have a neurodivergent child, you know that meltdowns are usually not a choice. We know that…so why does it become so difficult emotionally? Because you know people were judging you (they know nothing, by the way)...and, most importantly…it’s difficult because you couldn't help your child in that moment.
We’re all here to make your child’s life easier. You are putting in the work and effort to learn about child development and neurodivergent brains. YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH.
We can take proactive steps to prevent sensory overload in the future. This may involve planning outings during quieter times, gradually introducing your child to new environments, or providing sensory breaks when needed. Understanding your child's sensory sensitivities allows you to create a more accommodating and supportive environment.
Helping your child navigate meltdowns or sensory overload involves a combination of understanding, patience, and proactive strategies. By recognizing triggers, establishing calming routines, and fostering effective communication, you can provide the support your child needs during challenging moments. Remember, each child is unique, so it's essential to tailor your approach to their specific preferences and needs. With time, consistency, and love, you can create a supportive environment that allows your child to thrive.
